Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
