Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
