glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
