every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize