i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
