so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
