standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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