I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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