I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
