Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
