I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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