Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
