So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
