Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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