There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
