Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
