so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
