You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
