Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
