Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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