Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
