Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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