I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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