He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
