you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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