wrigley field is MILF paradise
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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