There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
