On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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