I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
