woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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