The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Everything about him screamed your future.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
