He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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