Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
