I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my shit smells like andre
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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