we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
