i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
