i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
