I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
