We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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