he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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