Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
