I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Pants are for mortals
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
