it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
