I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
