i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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