guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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