OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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