dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
