Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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