I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize