im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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