i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize