grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
