I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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