maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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