Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
me + whiskey = a bad person
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
