WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
