I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
