I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
