you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
