Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
