I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
