where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
