why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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