we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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