I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
