Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
